I’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I’m probably in the worst shape I’ve ever been in (which I realize is still far better shape than the majority of people out there, but it’s still hard for me) and because I feel and am fatter than I have ever been ever.
I tell myself I’m done with carbs or done with snacking and then I decide it’s okay for another day. And then I just feel 100x worse about myself.
I’m not an unhealthy person, I’m not an out of shape person. I’m the person who gets mad when butter or salt is added to my scrambled eggs. I’m the person who chooses egg whites, fish, salads and water. But ever since med school started and I spend the majority of my time sitting, I’ve started snacking and making excuses.
I’ve reached the point where it makes me cry.
Tomorrow I am starting SpeedX. It is kind of like CrossFit and I’m super excited to finally have people to work out with again and have it been something other than my running. Tomorrow also makes the start of a new eating lifestyle. I have three weeks until our school banquet and I know I’ve waited too long to get to to were I want to be before the banquet. (Actually it could have happened if I just stuck with it after juicing for three days, but I effed that up), but I need to start and stop feeling fat and ugly and uphappy with who I am.
What I need to do is sit down and write a training and meal plan for the month of february… It just seems so daunting. I want to do distance running, lifting and HIIT and I want to eat completely clean and paleo.